He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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