am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
