if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
