So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I need water and some morals
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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