Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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