My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
