Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
