I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
