Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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