I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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