Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
