It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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