Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
