are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I want her autograph on my taint
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
this is an emotional support booty call
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
