i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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