Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
