I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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