You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
