My Higher Power is John Stamos
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
