I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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