yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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