I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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