false alarm. still invincible.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
should my penis look like a turkey
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
