i was born a porn star she said
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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