you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
