I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
