Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize