Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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