So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
