Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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