You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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