I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
