i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
