It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize