My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
