I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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