You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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