I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
