um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't deserve a penis
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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