I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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