Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
