Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
