the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
babies were throwing up all over the place
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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