All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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