i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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