I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
