Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
