apparently the secret to your success is patron
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
