going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
