At least make sure they are 18
Why
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I am available for nakedness
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
