Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
