All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
