Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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