it was like his penis was on wheels.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize