Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
