it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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