Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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