I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
