New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
