Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
