Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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