If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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