I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize