you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
