i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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