I wannas sexs uuuuu
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
