dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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