you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
