i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm at about main and main street
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
