Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize