i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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