Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
