my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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