I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
