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I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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